What You Are Saying

Check out this graph of users and page views from the blog:



Big month of March I had there. What you're telling me is that I need to travel more. Well, I'll be going to Chicago this week but I'm not sure that's the kind of travel that keeps the people coming back for more.

I'm still baffled by this breakdown:

Browser Language Unique Visitors
English / United States 3411
Korean 216

How does Korean rank so high? I don't get how that works out but all I can guess is that some Korean blogger latched on to my Taiwan trip and a handful of his readers checked out some pages.

Nothing really of value here but I just decided to check my stats today. They're pretty poor, admittedly. I'll try harder in 2009*.

*I'm lying

Following Life of Pi

Just last week I said I was going to try and blog once or twice a week, in a more serious fashion, where “more serious” is defined as longer, maybe more involved. Well there goes the second week (last week) and I didn’t get a blog on. Bloggon sounds like a planet from science fiction. So here I am on Bloggon last week, not getting my blog on. I was home all week because I was on-call. I guess it slipped through the cracks. I did warn you that it wouldn’t last, though I didn’t think it would be one and done. Anyway, it’s Monday and here we are with a blog entry that isn’t exactly pointed but encompasses many different independent thoughts I’ve had this morning, none of which appear as bright shiny objects in my world right now.

I didn’t watch the Super Bowl. Am I un-American for that? The reality is that football interests me little, at best. Football, and all sports, have fallen off the map for me unless you include biking in that. But biking is hardly sport in the sense that the NFL is, especially the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl is gambling, eating, drinking, funny commercials, a social gathering, and oh yeah a game in there too. Biking is exercise. Football is chicken wings. Biking is not. I enjoy a good gathering. But watching a game I’m not interested in just isn’t, by definition, interesting to me.

It just so happened that it was a good game, much to my surprise. While I find it hard to pull for the Steelers there would be something cosmically wrong with the Cardinals winning the Super Bowl. It could stand as a metaphor for our country if Obama doesn't get the job done, right? His first feat of office was to see the Cardinals win the Super Bowl! But in the end, the Old Guard stands strong and wins the day. Does that mean another year of war debt, bad economy, and Everybody Loves Raymond reruns?

I voted for Obama so this is no sly political commentary. I just thought of it so went with my current SOC diatribe.

I did watch the last 26 seconds of the game. Kinda. Nat will probably check out the commercials on youtube today and tell me which ones I should watch. But really, this social event wasn’t a social event for us. Terren invited us over but my parents were at the house and how can you stay up until 10:00 with an almost 3-year-old? While she does stay up that late, being out that late would be major meltdown territory. We went to the neighbor’s in the past, which is convenient because you can come and go pretty easily and you don’t have to deal with the drama of the car ride at 10:00 at night. Aside from that, it’s just a late football game. Competition! Raw power! Large men in spandex! I get all the “men in tights” action I need in my biking life. No need to add enormous tracts of muscle.

As a side note here, can you really become good friends with someone after college? I used to believe this, then I thought I changed my mind on it. But now I’m starting to go back to the idea that after college, you never really make a friend that you really consider a “great” or even “good” friend. I’m speaking vaguely, because I’m not sure I believe this assertion. I guess if I wanted to really assess that I would need to make a list of people we would invite to a wedding if we got married again. I wonder, how many people that we invited then would be invited now? How many more? Would my wedding party be the same? Best man? I think the answers to the questions would be: most of them but not all, I don’t know, probably an extra person or 2 on each side, and yes.

After a long Saturday of being on-call I had 2 Stone Oaked Arrogant Bastard Ales and an Anchor Steam. The Stone beers were good, are good. Not past tense, but present tense. Or past, present, and future tenses. I’m not a huge fan of Stone beers but I really like this offering quite a bit. Ok that’s besides the point, there are plenty of good beers out there. After those 2 beers I went to the well of mediocrity and grabbed an Anchor Steam. I don’t know how long I’ve had it so it may be old, but boy I really didn’t care for it all that much. I know a lot of people like it but it was pretty mediocre for me. It may be that on the heels of the Stone offering this one can’t possibly compete. But it was a tough one to get down Saturday night. It also may be a better first beer as you don’t get tuned into the taste of something else.

I'm off to Chicago this week so I may try a video capture from somewhere out there if time permits. But more than likely it won’t, unless I break out the camera in the airport or on the plane. Maybe I will, just because it’s something new. Once I hit the ground though I’ll be neck deep in work and post work activities. The time out there will likely be really fast and then back to Jersey 2 days later.

Vinny has asked me what else to read after Life of Pi. This is a tough question which has sort of helped me on my path of identifying the 51 authors that should be on your bookshelf. See, I have this grand plan to name 51 authors you should own. Or maybe 51 “entities” or “items” is a better way to name it. The idea of an entity stems from the thought that you don’t want to list 5 Kurt Vonnegut books, even though any good bookshelf will have at least 5 from him. So maybe I put Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey as one entity. Then maybe a dictionary and thesaurus, even though the web makes those items a bit out-of-date. Or a travel book (or set of books) to your favorite destination. The Foundation books, if you’re into Sci-Fi, are required but that’s like 5-6 Asimov books plus the Caliban trilogy that followed. Then there are the Robot books. So your entity here is “Asimov’s Foundation and Robot books”, which amounts to something like 10-15 total books. Hey, any solid bookshelf is going to have hundreds of books.

So to answer the question, Salman Rushdie is awesome but over most people’s heads, my own included. The Namesake was a good book, but not like Life of Pi. Bel Canto was good, but again, not as good and maybe too slow for most people. I can’t come up with a book to recommend in that ballpark. It’s a tough park to play in, really. Some will suggest Cormac McCarthy but I can’t say I agree with that. Not bad, just different. It’s like Vonnegut or Robbins or Christopher Moore. All solid authors but different than Yann Martel.

Amazon tells me that the Kite Runner and Water for Elephants are most commonly bought with Life of Pi. I have read neither of these books. It also suggests the Curious Incident of the Dog etc (which I strongly disliked and isn't remotely like Pi), Secret Life of Bees (I own, have not read yet), Time Traveller's Wife (wtf?), the Alchemist (heard of it, more intrigued now), Poisonwood Bible (I do like Kingsolver), and Middlesex (another huh?).

So really, I’ll have to get back to you on that one. It may take a long time.

What Have I Been Up To?

This post is dedicated to Vinny, who commented:

"Believe it or not, there are still people checking this (now pathetic) website for updates. We want to know know if you reached 179 or blew up to 350+. We want to know if you're still stalking unsuspecing commuters and flirting with the NJ sexual predator list. We want to believe that the internet is NOT DEAD. Put down that beer, get off your (potentially enormous) ass, find some motivation and give us an update. We want to know what the hell is going on in your life. Come on man, you owe it to your loyal following.....get back in the saddle and give us some insight."

First off, yes, this is an absurdly pathetic website. But I'm not alone. Just as video killed the radio star, Facebook killed the Blogger star. Another blog I read made the same comment last week. I spend a lot more time on Facebook and let's be honest, my status messages embody what is really going on in my life. Do these blog posts ever amount to more than 5-10 words anyway? I may type 2000, but in the end, don't the following really describe my life:

* Norm hit the 170s!
* Norm got in a 4 hour ride today.
* Norm likes beer.
* etc etc

I may write more than that, but do I say more than that? Probably not. But here I am, using more words to say something I probably could have said in 5 words. Maybe at the end I'll summarize it in 5 words if I feel so motivated. I do have to say that I'm thinking of trying to make 1-2 posts a week, but longer, and more in depth, and maybe even with pictures and videos. Why bother? I really have no idea. Maybe this is my natural cycle where I like to express myself in words. I like to fancy myself somewhat capable with words. And I know there are a few people out there who do read, apparently Vinny included. So maybe I'll give that a go. I can tell you now it won't last. But at least we can try.

So what have I been up to? Well let's see, the past bunch of weeks I've more or less worked from home all the time. I went into the office 4 times in the last 2 weeks, but before that I was home for 3 straight weeks. And before that I was in the office maybe 4 times in 3 weeks. So it's something like 7 times in 7 weeks, which accounts for my not blogging nearly as much because when I get on the train I read or watch DVDs. I have enough diversions and so little time that I tend not to blog anymore. I WFH again this week and the 3rd week in February.

So did I hit 179? Yes I did. Then 178 and 177 which is my current low weight. I fluctuate on a daily basis of course, but still solidly in the 170s currently, even though I'm not riding nearly as much as I would hope right now. The weather plus 2 colds has really limited me in the last 4-5 weeks. Currently getting over the second cold but the weather still sucks. There's still a solid covering on the ground and as I sit here in my kitchen the temps are in the 20s outside. At least the sun is setting later and rising earlier. So we got that going for us, which is nice.

Work is work. I do love my job basically because my boss and his boss "get" it. The job itself is solid, and I can more or less do what I want so long as we get what we need done as a group. So I look for interesting ways to make the job easier and entertain myself in a work environment. Aside from that the whole WFH thing makes it a lot easier to mix work and home.

In the end, this is more or less what I do with my spare time when I'm not riding my bike or drinking beer:



Or this, which is the kind of thing we need to do to get her to take a bath:



And when Mommy leaves Julia with Daddy, we get doughnuts:



I'm also trying to clean up my basement so I can figure out WTF is going on when I'm down there, which is pretty often since that's where the W happens in the WFH abbreviation. This is my "before" pic though this is really a "during" pic. Everything in life is a work in progress, my basement included:



Hopefully I can post a worthy "after" pic in a few weeks but I can imagine anyone but I would care. This is why I'm riding less than I like. Every other day I wake up to this which, while beautiful, sucks the riding wind out of my sails:



Here is another reason I find it hard to ride some days:



For whatever reason, they never plow our road. So I take it in, enjoy the season, drink beer - you know, all the same sorts of things people like to do. The weather will turn soon enough, and I'll be pumping out 15 hour weeks before you know it. But for now, with the cold and my sickness, the last 2 weeks were barely 4 hours each. Thankfully I haven't taken this opportunity to get fat again. Or more precisely, fatter. But I need to watch what I eat, which is lame. I like to eat, and when I ride a lot I can eat a lot. It's a dual bonus because eating is one of my favorite hobbies as well. Same story on drinking beer. Triple bonus!

I did finally build a cross bike so I can better ride in this crap weather. Took it out twice last week - lots of fun! But plenty more fun to come for sure:



Anyway, that's about it. I'm sure there's more but for now, I'd say that's more or less enough to keep you up-to-date on what's going on with me. And if you want to step into the present, join Facebook and set your status message now and again.

So the Facebook blurb is this: "Norm is summing up his existence."

Still Going to Work

Despite the nearly 4 inches of anticipation on the ground I managed to wake up and get myself to work today. It was tough in a way, since anticipation can be such a heavy burden to drive and walk through. My car seemed not to be effected by it though. I was surprised, since the roads were really icy with anticipation.

The train is sprinkled with random people who were able to make it through as well. I guess many were not able to open their back doors and see that no snow had actually accumulated on the ground yet. Maybe it will. The weatherman says t-minus 2+ hours until it starts. But there's a funny thing about weathermen, they're rarely right. I know this because I've been biking 10+ hours a week for the last 2 months despite the call for rain 5 out of every 7 days. A wet road doesn't equal rain.

Is it going to snow? Who the hell knows. But I refuse to pre-bag my day because they want to scare you into watching the news all day. It's snow, not a nuclear winter. I see on the Facebook status messages that some schools are closed already? What a soft world we live in when schools get closed in anticipation. Shit never used to happen when I was in school.

I have a shit load of work to do today so I want to be in the office until I can pound it out. If anticipation has turned to actual snow I may leave early. Or I may just act normally and take in the panicked carnage all around me. It tends to be fun if not too annoying and obnoxious. Hopefully the Worry Whales at work stay home today because they'll just clog the hallways and complain about the snow.

The Internet is Dead

I'm pretty sure that the Internet has died. Usually there's so much content that I don't know what to do with myself. Right now, there are no message board posts, no unread blogs, no emails or PMs to attend to. I don't know what to do with myself.

I guess it's expected at this time of year. People use up vacation, companies freeze code, people go into a shell with the weather - it's not entirely odd to see this happen. But it's almost like someone turned the lights out in the last week.

Otherwise, life is good. Hopefully I wake up and see 179 on the scale tomorrow.

Rain is Fine

Starting this post on the train this morning. It's Friday and still raining but I'm not going to be among the myriad of people whining about the rain. Seems like half the Facebook status updates of the last 24 hours are complaints about rain. It rains, these things happen.

I however feel good. I got out for a ride in the rain. I'm now living under the premise of No Excuses. It's too easy to make excuses for everything. I think Nike had it right: Just do it. Stop making excuses and live your life.

It's Friday and I'm strongly considering a day off Monday. It's supposed to be 52 and I need a colossal bike ride, in the 5 hour realms. Nat said, "Go for it." Maybe she's adopting my No Excuses philosophy. As long as I have nothing that needs attention Monday I think I'm going to pull the trigger. It would be really neat to put on the summer shoes again for a day and not wear the big gloves and winter jacket. Even if it's a single day I think it helps the soul.

I have some time tomorrow since Nat and Julia are going to a shower so I can get a 3 hour ride tomorrow and maybe 1-2 Sunday then bang out a huge Monday.

At 181 today and hoping to see 179 before the year is out. The 4 dozen cookies may have hurt the cause a bit last week but the entertainment value there has faded and we've stopped eating them. It's a tough time of year to lose weight but so far I'm still dropping a little each week.

On a lark this year I did another fantasy football league with some old high school friends I found on Facebook. Well the year ends and the guy is like, "Ok pay your $40 now." And I'm like fuck that, I don't gamble. So he said he would pick it up since I didn't know it was a money league but I'm sure this just severs the tenuous connection I had reestablished with them. No big deal I suppose since I hadn't talked to anyone in over 15 years.

That's all I got. In Penn Station now so I'm off to see if I can find dried cranberries and walnuts in this dump. Admittedly, I get a little OCD about some things. So sue me.

Friday Error

Every time I go to write a blog post on my blackberry the site says there's an error.

I'm sitting next to a very tall woman on the train. She's reading a book.

We're potentially sliding down a slippery slope with shops advertising on mtbnj. We've had sales posted recently that we took down because they don't advertise with us. I'm torn on this.

It's getting very cold now. I'm considering riding after brunch tomorrow instead os early morning. Not sure I'm up for 21 degrees on the road.

I'm feeling reasonably confident I can see 179 on the scale before January 1. It's a tough time of year and Nat just brought home 4 dozen cookies from her mom's night out cookie exchange last night.

We're at Maplewood and the big woman got up. She's not very attractive. Not that it matters but it's hard to miss.

Nat and Julia are picking me up at Summit so Julia can see the train.

I'm tired. Incredibly, I'm not sick of Clif bars. I wonder what the chances are of me doing 2 3 hour rides this weekend. Slim and none I would guess.

Please Steal My Car

My Facebook status today is: Not entirely thrilled. Some of you know that's a slight inside joke but it more or less describes my mood today. Nothing is tragic, yet I'm not entirely thrilled.

My car may have shit the bed, though it more or less threatens to do this every 6-12 months. Oil is dumping out at an alarming rate. It may be as simple as the oil filter coming loose. Or it may be shot. Or somewhere in between.

Either way I had to walk to the train station on the coldest day of the year. Not bad, but when I got into the Millington cafe my forehead felt like it was going numb.

Somehoe the scale also jumped from 182 to 185. I know variations are normal but I haven't had a +3 in a long time. Didn't think the ride yesterday was that taxing but I guess it was. I'm really biding my time to see 181 and I'm confident I will, but for 2 weeks the bottom hasn't fallen out to that yet, indicating that I may be pressing just how low I can go right now. This is familiar territory in a way. Last time I was down here the weight loss just stopped. I think my methods are better this time but only time will tell. Currently drawing even with last week's weight number which throws up a yellow flag.

It's Friday. I turn 37 tomorrow. I hope to get a nice long birthday ride in but they "feels like" is supposed to be 11. That's awfully cold for a 3 hour ride.

Late Night Update

It's late, but I'm well home now. I managed to swing the whole trip in about 4 hours which included a 45 minute stop home. So off the train, to Morris Plains, home, to the airport, Morris Plains, then home in 4:10 total. Solid.

Back th bed now.

Your Blog Sucks

I was told recently by 3 different people that my blog sucks these days. Maybe not in those exact words, but the message was more or less the same. First my wife, then Terren, then my mom. Well ok then, here's something. It may not be on par with sliced bread but it's better than crap, I hope.

I'm on the train to Brooklyn right now, as my Facebook status can attest to. Since signing up for Facebook my blog has become a series of 1 line status updates. When it comes down to it, do I really have more than 1 thing to say in any given day? Probably not.

I ride my bike a colossal amount these days. This past week it was 15.25 hours. I WFH every Tue/Thu and the whole week every 5th week. So of every 25 days of work, I'm in the office 12 of those. That's 12 out of 35 real days. This allows me to pile on the saddle time. I'm good with that mix. I don't like working from home all the time and I don't like going into the office all the time. So that's a good middle ground to be in.

The temps dipped a lot the last 48 hours so now I'll really be testing out my cold weather gear. I'm looking to ride like this through the winter this year so long as it's not wet and sloppy out. My aim is to hit 8 hours a week on average at worst, hopefully more. I think my minimum week would be 6 hours even if stuck inside an entire week. I hope to use the trainer one day a week or less. I hate that thing.

On the 3 days I train to work I catch up on my Chinese podcasts on the way in. I've found a better resource which is progressive. I'm on lesson 27 of 270 (or so). I listen to 3 of the lessons on the way in then wrap it up. 3 is usually enough to stretch my brain. Then I'll either surf or read or blog. Today I blog. Once I hit the subway I'll read. Currently my book is Vonnegut's Wampaters, Foma, and Granfalloons.

On the way home I read on the subway then watch a DVD on the train. Currently I have Northern Exposure season 2 and The Big Lebowski. This is how I spend my train time. If my book is really good I read on the train as well. If a lot is going on with the team and site I surf and reply to posts, messages, and emails.

That's life.

Tonight I have to go to Morris Plains to get the in-laws boat-car then sail it to Newark Airport and pick them up as they come in from Taiwan tonight around 8:30. Then back home hopefully by 10:00. Tomorrow morning will be a cold one so I get to test out the winter duds for real. I'm pretty sure I can deal except for the gloves, which are still a weak point. I may have to break down and get mittens straight up.

Also, I've gotten serious about dropping pounds and I saw 182 last week which matches my all time low since grade school. That also represents a 14 pound loss since I started this. I'm using numbers this time to try and hit a 600 calorie deficit every day. I'm also charting how I eat through the day and identifying my poor eating habits, namely that I tend to eat too litttle in the middle of the day and too much at night.

Not sure where it will end but for 15 weeks or so I've been pretty much dropping a pound a week on average. I don't starve myself, I have chocolate, candy, or ice cream every day, still get 6-9 fruits/veggies everyday, and feel great. Ideally I'd like to see 171 for a 25 pound loss. But if I do that you can be sure I'll try to see the 160s too. For now I have my sights set on 181. Then 180. And so on. The journey of 1000 miles begins with 1 step. Or buying shoes.

Out of the tunnel and in NYC now. Enjoy your week. Maybe I'll see you Wednesday.

Sleep

How I welcome thee. It has been too little I've seen of you lately. Yes, I realize that this late night blogging will keep me from that which I lack. But I can't wait another second to say how I welcome you tonight.

Gas off, sleep on, see you in the morning, moon.

Oh snap and I went 3-0 in fantasy football this week. See how it's all luck? Aaron Rodgers in all 3 leagues. Believe it baby, it's all fucking luck.

No TV and No BB Make Norm Something Something

Tuesday evening, sitting on the train and writing this with my laptop. I may have mentioned that my work laptop STB last week which sorta left me in a lurch in the whole WFH thing. Well I brought it in yesterday and the hard drive was bad. They replaced it and I have a laptop in my bag on the way home. This is fortunate, because I forgot my BB at work. I feel somewhat aimless without it. I prefer to keep on top of things especially with the erratic nature of some of the groups we work with. I know when I get home I'm going to have 50 emails or more to read/delete. Hopefully nothing pressing has come down the pipe - not that I could do anything about it. It's not like I can actually work on the BB and the laptop does not have a Verizon card so I'm not connected on the train, just typing.

If I had a better book to read I wouldn't care but I'm reading Terry Pratchett's Guards Guards! which is ok but the shine on Pratchett has worn off. His first book was great but they're just aimless prose collections that have silly little Douglass Adams' type lines all over. It gets old, especially as you get older.

I have nothing really to say but I need something to do other than to read a book that is moderately ok or stare out the window and watch the scenery go by. I ate my carrots and sent a text message to Nat and took a picture with my camera phone and that about got me out of the tunnel. Then I read a little bit but meh, it just can't get me to the other side of the train ride. I wonder if I should consider the Verizon card. Work will apparently pay for it but then they will have tabs on me all the time, in a way. OTOH, the train ride will be productive and easier, I think.

You know, I hope nobody steals the BB. Random food items have disappeared before from my desk. But then, they'll never take the money I leave out. I always have change there and it's never been touched. Maybe they know to take the things that won't get them caught? I think it's sad that you can't leave a granola bar on your desk and not have it stolen. We work for Wall Street people, what gives?

Finally going to get into the modern computer era as I ordered 2 PCI cards for the laptops so we can finally go wireless. So that will give us 2 wireless laptops and 1 with a cable still. I should have gone ahead and gotten 3 cards, really no idea why I didn't. Maybe it has something to do with admitting that 2 people don't need 3 computers. I'm sure we could count Julia and then we could say 3 for 3, but then she's content with Mickey Mouse and really doesn't care about the computer. Yet. So before long I'll likely have my work PC sitting on the kitchen table most of the time - much to Nat's dismay, until she wants to check her email of course.

You know, having this on my lap really isn't that bad. Maybe I should consider the Verizon card after all. It sure would be yet another big step forward in the Modern Computer Era that I hope to be stepping in soon. But of course, who knows if I'll be able to figure out the wireless router. Apparently it has some sort of key (a wep key?) printed on it somewhere which protects the network from people stealing free Internet. I wouldn't know. It's not like I deal with computers all day.

Back to School

Back in the swing of things this week which means up early and on the bike a little after 5:00 am. Often I WFH on T/Th but after last week I need to get out of the house. Plus my computer setup is less than ideal with the old craptop so I'm going in. My work laptop, which died last week, should be fixed today.

So riding translates to being back on the later train and it's suddenly obvious school is back in session. This train is full of idiots right now. The parking lot is also chock full of cars. All I have to say is that I'm not looking forward to my daughter's teenage years.

Fantasy Football

I'm in 3 leagues this year, one primary one (Netmonkey with (Terren), a strong secondary one (ESPN), and a throwaway (Facebook). I won the throwaway game and lost the other 2. I drafted my own teams in the primary leagues and let the computer pick my Facebook league.

Translation: I don't know what I'm doing. Argh!

Monday

It is with a tired self that I sit on this train and head back into the city this brisk Monday morning. I think it's accurate to say that I'm not really cut out for working from home. I fall into a rut way too fast. I should have gotten plenty of riding in and still be well rested. Yet somehow last week I rode less than normal and slept less than normal.

As I mentioned in yesterday's post a lot of it has to do with my getting used to being on-call. I need to work less and not be so hyper-proactive trying to make sure it all went well. They'll call me. I also have to make sure I get up early and get my riding in, at least while it's not too cold yet. Plus I drew a crap week so that is what it is.

No worries now. It's Monday morning which brings us to a new week. I'm ready to rock it. This coming weekend is the Jorba bike festival up at Waterloo where I'll be a volunteer. Right now I'm tabbed as a "floater" during setup and a Reserve Rider during the day. That means I help where needed when we setup, then when it's ride time I help lead/sweep/organize any extra rides that may be necessary due to a large turnout.

For now I go back to the box factory though.

9 Days

Saturday, not a usual day for blogging but I'm just sitting here watching Julia eat her bagel while her mom gets ready to go out. We're off to the mall this morning to get some more work pants for me. It's been 4 years since I've bought any new pants. After that we're going to swing by Dynasty on route 22 and get some dim sum. I'll ride when we get home.

Today is the first of 9 days in a row out of the office. I'm on-call next week so I'll work at home all week. So no waking up at 5:00 for me for a while, thankfully. And since I'll be up until possibly 1:00 some nights I won't be plowing out full days starting at 7:00 am. In other words, I should be able to get my ride on this week.

Ok, the bagel is done and my wife is almost ready to go so time for me to get some pants *before* I go eat.

Wagons

Went to Orion's yesterday and I jumped off the wagon for a few hours. I'm not going to say I fell off because it's not like it wasn't a willing exit. I had a beer and a big glass of wine. Neither the beer nor the wine was worth getting off. No big deal either way. The thing about wagons is that there's a reason they put a gate on the back. There's a distinct need for things to be put on and taken off.

On a related note I'm now going to start eating a vegetarian diet except for most dinners, some lunches, and the occasional breakfast.

The weekend was decent but very fast. We had our first team rider defect to another team yesterday, though it came as no surprise as we had known for a month it was possible. Here's the thing about people. They can't keep their mouths shut. People talk, and talk, and talk. So there really is no such thing as a secret. Personally, I hate secrets because it forces me to try and remember what I can and cannot say to different people. That's just hard to sort out at the age of 36.

This is Monday morning, and I feel extremely good today. Saturday's ride was a lot of fun though I went over at least 3 if not 4-5 times, so I'm sore all over. I can't wait for Ben to post the video of this so I can see what a bunch of assholes we look like trying to ride the log rollers.

That's all I got this Monday morning, at least for now.

This Wagon Sucks

Not sure whose idea it was for me to go on the wagon but let me tell you it sucks. After some of these days at work I really could use a drink. Not a stiff drink, just a drink. Give me a good solid hoppy ale and I'd be a happier man. Some days I can't begin to describe how difficult it is to deal with human beings. Here is a typical conversation I have some days:

Person: I have poop on my ass and pants. Please let me know of your availability.

Me: Did you try wiping your ass after you get off the toilet but *before* you pull your pants up?

Person: Why would I do that?

Me: Have you considered that there are penguins smarter than you?

Person: Naturally.

Me: I'd like to use a lifeline.

Ok, so maybe I give the user a little more credit than they deserve.

I have really bad BO so I'm sure this woman next to me is blogging about how the guy next to her stinks and keeps lifting up his arms and smelling his armpits.

Walrus

One of the train conductors on my normal 6:58 train to NYPS* is a big black Chris Rock "baking bread pump fat" woman with an attitude that stretches from Gladstone** all the way to NYPS. If I wasn't on the BB I would try to find a youtube link of the Chris Rock episode. To get the gist, I think his quote is something like this: "You know who I love? Big fat black women. Because they don't give a fuck what you think." He then goes on to talk about how they dress, and the pumps with the fat legs and how it looks like they're baking bread in their shoes. Good stuff.

* New York Penn Station

** Gladstone is where this train starts.

Anyway, this woman not only has an attitude, she's dumb as bricks*. I can only guess that this is why she puts so much perfume on that I can smell her half a train car away. That equates to something like 30 feet, which is quite a lot in a highly ventilated space. When she gets next to you it's like nothing you can imagine. Well, that's not true, since there are women like this all over.

* not Mensa bricks either.

So what would cause you to wear so much perfume? If you were a walrus, ok I get that. I can see that if you woke up in the morning smelling like sea water and kelp* you might think that you smell so badly that you have to do something to cover that stink. My first thought would be to move out of the ocean. But if that's out of your control, I guess copious amounts of perfume is your alternative.

* yes I know that's a sea lion but I have no idea what a walrus smells like.

I don't think this woman is a walrus at all. I'm not sure, but I don't think walruses* are indigenous to New Jersey. So I tend to doubt she migrates and/or commutes from Canada** every morning. So I guess maybe she just stinks? Another guess is that she has decided that certain body parts are going to be covered in perfume, period. Say we take an arm, for instance. Maybe she wants her whole arm covered in perfume. Now on any non-pump fat woman this is a fair amount of perfume. But on the walrus it's double or triple. Or maybe she just keeps going and going and can't stop, I don't know. It's a mystery to me why some women use that much perfume save for those unfortunate souls who have no bowel control.

* walri?

** or wherever they're found. Canada makes sense right?

As you may have noticed*, I'm employing the asterick footnote method** to go on tangets***, ask less than pertinent questions**** and say something somewhat related to but not precisely in line with the narrative*****. This is a popular Internet trend right now that I sometimes like, but sometimes don't. I'm not sure if it's useful or not but I think it's one of the things that you see too much of, much like the expression "not so much". If I hadn't overused the astericks in this paragraph, it would beg for a footnote to allow the narrative to continue on perfumed walruses******. But that story is over so it's ok. Anyway, it goes like this. Some people like perfumed walruses*******. Me, not so much. The problem here is that "not so much" is so 2005. It's 2008 people.

* I'm sure you did.

** like this.

*** or cosines.

**** what time and how burnt?

***** I have never eaten walrus meat.

****** walri?

******* ok I'll stop.

So no worries, I'm sure the asterick footnote method will end soon*. Until then, feel free to come up with your own alternate theories as to why someone would douse themselves with perfume as such**.

* or not

** the excuse, "I was on fire and had no water" is not passable.

Peaches and Corn

I have nothing of particular interest to say today so I'm going to make sure you all go out and get the following 2 locally grown things as soon as you can:

1. Peaches
2. Corn

It's high time in Jersey for both of these, so do yourself a favor and go buy some. I just had half a peach that Nat picked yesterday and it was outstanding. Not as good as a nice soft stick of butter, I'll grant you. But pretty damn good nevertheless.

Sometimes life can be overly complicated. But it doesn't need to be. Eat a peach!

Not Yet Winter

It's not winter yet but it's that time to admit that the Mike Tyson Uppercut that is the heart of summer is fading. We're nowhere near biting Summer's ear off or anything like that. But the signs are there and it would do you well to embrace it so you don't sound like the hundreds and thousands of drones in this conversation:

"Man, can you believe summer is over already?"

"Summer is so short. It seems like I was just shovelling my driveway."

"This weather is crazy."

"Incoherent babble."

"I agree, incoherently. Babble blububububububububub."

--------

This is how the conversation should go.

"Man, can you believe summer is over already?"

"Yes."

"Seems like..."

"Listen. It happens every year. After about June 22 every year, the days get shorter. Not everyone notices it though since it's usually like 100 degrees for 6 straight weeks. In fact, weren't you the same person who was complaining that it was too hot? And this was like 6 weeks after you were complaining that spring was too short, even though it was 2 months of beautiful weather this year?"

"But..."

"Furthermore, when people say the weather sucks in New Jersey you defend it vehemently and say you like the change in seasons. Can you at least be consistent?"

"I was just trying to make conversation."

"Why don't you talk about what book you're reading."

"Oh I got this great self improvement book 2 weeks ago."

"How is it?"

"I don't know, I haven't started it yet."

"What the hell do you do at night?"

"Watch American Idol reruns."

"Can I put the world out of its misery at having you on the face of the Earth?"

"Um, I guess so?"

--------

I for one welcome our new and all powerful overlords. Wait, I mean the cooler weather. Here are the signs that it's coming fast:

1. When I wake up at 5:00 it's still pitch black out.
2. I rode with long-sleeves yesterday.
3. Football is starting.
4. I'm sleeping without a fan some nights.
5. I'm 36 years old and as such am no longer surprised when fall follows summer for the 36th consecutive year. I hold out hope that one day we can jump directly to winter or just leapfrog right into an extended 9 month spring. But until then, I'm not going to be surprised that every year, summer does eventually come to an end.

Cycle 47

Victim: Oh shit possible hot blonde alert! After a series of frumpy Wall Street men I get a change of pace, thankfully. The data is Summit, white, woman, 30-39, married, not fat, regular. Blonde, in a business suit, has the Financial Times in her lap so she's one of these money people on the train. In her right hand she has a pink travel coffee mug with some sort of breast cancer awareness logo on it. She's kind staring straight off into space so I can't see what she really looks like. Like I said to Vinny, it's impossible to really get a good look at anyone who sits next to you on the train. Eventually I get a look and not hot after all.

Assessment: Good.