We make holes in teeth!

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Not Yet Winter

It's not winter yet but it's that time to admit that the Mike Tyson Uppercut that is the heart of summer is fading. We're nowhere near biting Summer's ear off or anything like that. But the signs are there and it would do you well to embrace it so you don't sound like the hundreds and thousands of drones in this conversation:

"Man, can you believe summer is over already?"

"Summer is so short. It seems like I was just shovelling my driveway."

"This weather is crazy."

"Incoherent babble."

"I agree, incoherently. Babble blububububububububub."


This is how the conversation should go.

"Man, can you believe summer is over already?"


"Seems like..."

"Listen. It happens every year. After about June 22 every year, the days get shorter. Not everyone notices it though since it's usually like 100 degrees for 6 straight weeks. In fact, weren't you the same person who was complaining that it was too hot? And this was like 6 weeks after you were complaining that spring was too short, even though it was 2 months of beautiful weather this year?"


"Furthermore, when people say the weather sucks in New Jersey you defend it vehemently and say you like the change in seasons. Can you at least be consistent?"

"I was just trying to make conversation."

"Why don't you talk about what book you're reading."

"Oh I got this great self improvement book 2 weeks ago."

"How is it?"

"I don't know, I haven't started it yet."

"What the hell do you do at night?"

"Watch American Idol reruns."

"Can I put the world out of its misery at having you on the face of the Earth?"

"Um, I guess so?"


I for one welcome our new and all powerful overlords. Wait, I mean the cooler weather. Here are the signs that it's coming fast:

1. When I wake up at 5:00 it's still pitch black out.
2. I rode with long-sleeves yesterday.
3. Football is starting.
4. I'm sleeping without a fan some nights.
5. I'm 36 years old and as such am no longer surprised when fall follows summer for the 36th consecutive year. I hold out hope that one day we can jump directly to winter or just leapfrog right into an extended 9 month spring. But until then, I'm not going to be surprised that every year, summer does eventually come to an end.

Cycle 47

Victim: Oh shit possible hot blonde alert! After a series of frumpy Wall Street men I get a change of pace, thankfully. The data is Summit, white, woman, 30-39, married, not fat, regular. Blonde, in a business suit, has the Financial Times in her lap so she's one of these money people on the train. In her right hand she has a pink travel coffee mug with some sort of breast cancer awareness logo on it. She's kind staring straight off into space so I can't see what she really looks like. Like I said to Vinny, it's impossible to really get a good look at anyone who sits next to you on the train. Eventually I get a look and not hot after all.

Assessment: Good.

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  • At 8:48 AM, Anonymous terren said…

    Thank you Norm. This should be read by everyone on the planet, even people in Antarctica.

  • At 6:25 PM, Anonymous walter said…

    its the same people that say, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity"


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