This Wagon Sucks

Not sure whose idea it was for me to go on the wagon but let me tell you it sucks. After some of these days at work I really could use a drink. Not a stiff drink, just a drink. Give me a good solid hoppy ale and I'd be a happier man. Some days I can't begin to describe how difficult it is to deal with human beings. Here is a typical conversation I have some days:

Person: I have poop on my ass and pants. Please let me know of your availability.

Me: Did you try wiping your ass after you get off the toilet but *before* you pull your pants up?

Person: Why would I do that?

Me: Have you considered that there are penguins smarter than you?

Person: Naturally.

Me: I'd like to use a lifeline.

Ok, so maybe I give the user a little more credit than they deserve.

I have really bad BO so I'm sure this woman next to me is blogging about how the guy next to her stinks and keeps lifting up his arms and smelling his armpits.