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Saturday, February 27, 2010

Conversations #2: Identity Protection

Note: This conversation actually happened, more or less in this form. This is of significant note to anyone who has a AT&T Universal Card.

Thank you for activating your credit card sir, you're all set.

Thanks.

I'd also like to extend the Identity Protection Program to you for...

...

...among the many ways your identity can be...

...

...included in the program is a free credit report, 7 cans of spam...

...

...and the Dalai Lama will personally brew tea for you next month...

...

...when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness...

...

...so should I enroll you in this program for only $12.95 a month?

No, thanks.

Well sir...

Listen, I just want to activate my new cards.

Have you considered identity protection?

Wait, are you suggesting that your company is so inscure that I need to spend $13 a month to protect my identity?

It's an optional program sir.

I know it's optional. But you would imagine that the default of the company would be to protect its customers.

Well...

I mean, what you're basically saying is that we should do business with another credit card company because you can't protect the people who give you business.

Umm...

I understand this isn't a typical conversation. But don't you understand what this implies?

It's an optional program sir.

I know that. But we do literally thousands of dollars of business with you a month and you want $13 a month because you can't protect your customers. This is a bit absurd.

It's...an optional program sir.

Yes I know. We're all set.

Thank you for activating your AT&T Universal Card.

Thanks.

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