Conversations #2: Identity Protection

Note: This conversation actually happened, more or less in this form. This is of significant note to anyone who has a AT&T Universal Card.

Thank you for activating your credit card sir, you're all set.

Thanks.

I'd also like to extend the Identity Protection Program to you for...

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...among the many ways your identity can be...

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...included in the program is a free credit report, 7 cans of spam...

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...and the Dalai Lama will personally brew tea for you next month...

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...when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness...

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...so should I enroll you in this program for only $12.95 a month?

No, thanks.

Well sir...

Listen, I just want to activate my new cards.

Have you considered identity protection?

Wait, are you suggesting that your company is so inscure that I need to spend $13 a month to protect my identity?

It's an optional program sir.

I know it's optional. But you would imagine that the default of the company would be to protect its customers.

Well...

I mean, what you're basically saying is that we should do business with another credit card company because you can't protect the people who give you business.

Umm...

I understand this isn't a typical conversation. But don't you understand what this implies?

It's an optional program sir.

I know that. But we do literally thousands of dollars of business with you a month and you want $13 a month because you can't protect your customers. This is a bit absurd.

It's...an optional program sir.

Yes I know. We're all set.

Thank you for activating your AT&T Universal Card.

Thanks.