Conversations #1: The Train

I hate the train.

Do you really hate the train?

Yes.

Hate is a strong word.

Yes I know it is.

I hate murderers and bigots. Is the train that bad?

No...ok, no.

So why hate?

So fine, maybe hate is a strong word. But I don't like the train.

It's a pretty utilitarian thing to hate, no?

I think we've moved on from "hate". Like I said, dislike is a better word.

Dislike then. You dislike the train.

Yes. Finally we're getting somehere.

Why?

Why are we getting somewhere?

No, why do you dislike the train?

Well in particular, it's always late. 7:10 should mean 7:10.

7:10 does mean 7:10.

Not for NJ Transit.

What does 7:10 mean for NJ Transit?

Anywhere from 7:11 to 7:30.

I see. So it's never on time?

Never.

Never?

Never. Literally never.

Why don't you drive?

Why don't you bore a hole in your head?

Fair enough. Is there anything you do like about the train?

I like that it allows me to zone out, to get into my own world and read a book.

Ah, escapism.

Whatever, it's my peace and quiet.

Not a Ram Dass fan then?

No, I'm not really into rammed ass. What the fuck kind of question is that?

Ram. Dass. Not rammed ass.

Never heard of the guy.

Be here now.

I am here, and it is now. Pretty much. Though I'm going to say that it's a questionable move.

No no, Ram Dass wrote a book called Be Here Now. It's about being where you are as opposed to escapism.

So I guess he never went on vacation?

Well...I don't see how that matters.

How the hell do you plan a vacation if you never leave the "now", as it were?

It's a...ok, fair point. But the idea is to embrace your here and now. Look around.

I take the subway. Sometimes I'm sitting 4 feet away from homeless people with vomit on their pants. If they have pants. You ever consider that?

Well...

See that's the problem with these fucking thinkers. They're all pent up inside their own heads and they say the shit that's just not realistic nor pertinent. Half of them are drunks or heroin addicts or live in their basement and die at age 33 from not eating because they're so miserable. The rest want to see little boys without pants. That's just fucked up.

What about...

Yeah, I'm sure you can name a counter example but does that prove?

The exception proves the rule?

That's a retarded statement and you know it. Using that logic you can prove anything you want. Dogs fuck cows. That dog has never fucked a cow. The exception proves the rule. Utter horse shit.

I don't think that's precisely the spirit of the statement.

The spirit?

Right. The spirit.

Like rah-rah high school spirit?

No it's deeper than that.

Is this one of those rammed ass things?

Hardly. It's more of a metaphysical approach to meaning where the intention of any statement is personified in examples through your life which validate something internally that words may not necessarily be perfectly able to explain.

What? The? Fuck?

Of course you would say that. Precision is not always necessary when it comes to temporal reality.

Do you happen to make train schedules for a living? Because that would explain a lot.