We make holes in teeth!

Monday, January 30, 2006

I Work With Idiots

Yeah, I know, we all do. But really, it's worse than that. There are countless ways to describe my reasoning behind this statement, but I'll pick just one, the first of the week. It will suffice as a summary of the idiots who work around me. Here's the background.

Payroll is changing the pay calendar. For some reason, they want to adjust the week cycle on which we get paid. We get paid every 2 weeks now. Going forward, we'll get paid every 2 weeks. So far, nothing changes. But they want to recalibrate for some reason - who knows. Like, what do I care? I don't live paycheck to paycheck so I have no idea how it all works out.

Anyway, what they want to do is this, I'll even illustrate it with numbers. We currently get paid on even weeks. So our pay schedule looks like this:

2, 4, 6, 8, 10, etc etc

They want to change to odd weeks, to look like this:

1, 3, 5, 7, 9, etc etc

Ok, this is how they do it. They change from even to odd. That's it. The schedule transition is going to look like this:

2, 4, 6, 7, 9, 11, 13, etc etc

You'll note the shift between 6 and 7. On the 7th week, we'll only be paid for 1 week. This all makes sense, right? The alternative is to skip the 7th week, and make the 9th week a check for 3 weeks instead of the normal 2. Instead, they're staying as up-to-date as possible by cutting an extra weekly check.

It's all pretty straightforward, right? The answer is yes. The problem isn't with payroll, it's with the idiots I work with. Uproar, let me tell you. Anything, and I mean anything, that represents any small change causes these buffoons to freak out. Here's how one conversation went on the other side of the cubicle wall:

"They're changing the pay periods."

"Uh oh! Oh no, that's not good!" He hadn't read the email yet. He was merely reacting to any change at all. This is the guy who microwaves his already hot water for an additional 5 minutes. Seriously.

The first guy went on to summarize it all, and he got it mostly right. What he did was to emphasize the fact they weren't getting paid on the 8th week.

"You're going to have to wait a WHOLE week to get that pay you normally get."

"Oh my god," the other guy replied. Literally. Maybe he had just taken a sip of his 400 degree water and his tongue fell off. You may object that water boils at 212, but I contend this guy lives in another universe entirely.

I won't bore you with any more of this. Suffice it to say they've been going at it for 45 minutes, and it'll probably be a hot topic of conversation all day. The bottom line is this. Well there are 2 bottom lines. The first is that this is a change that should have absolutely no bearing on you at all. If something looks wrong, it's not. It's just your miniscule ability to comprehend anything that prevents you from getting it.

The second bottom line is that this conversation represents exactly why this company is failing. These are the people who have managed to survive the layoff, and I have no idea how. This kind of talk is a daily conversation, even hourly most days. This is what occupies our time here, what our company is paying for, why we're dragging our feet through the motions. This is also why I have no desire to talk to any of these people on a remotely personal level.

The only saving grace is that we'll be outsourcing the mainframe, which means IBM will come in and cut the excessive fat. This particular group of complainers performs functions IBM will already have expertise in. You have to imagine they already have their pay schedule down, so they won't be wasting precious time complaining about things that don't make any difference in your life at all.


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