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Tuesday, January 03, 2006

New Year's Resolutions

I don't make New Year's Resolutions. But then again, everyone does. Anyone who isn't trying to constantly better themselves in some way is brain dead. The rest is a matter of semantics. Maybe you wake your fat ass up every January 1st and declare that your jeans must fit better. Why bother, since this is the same resolution you made last year? Maybe you should try something else, like juggling. At least next year you can have a new New Year's Resolution.

So what the new year brings is usually a honing of your resolutions. Or rather, a snapshot of what you want to do right now, this immediate moment. To that end, I'm going to list my New Year's Resolutions as they come to me right now, at this instant. For the year 2006, I resolve to...

  1. Get a cup of tea.
  2. Eat an orange in a few minutes.
  3. Go take a look at the only cute girl on the floor when I go get a cup of tea.
  4. Get myself home safely so I can resume an addiction I blame my wife for, the playing of the game The Longest Journey (wiki). She got me the game for Christmas.
  5. Complete some menial task to convince myself I'm not totally wasting the day surfing.
I guess that's about it. Sure, I could say something trite like "lose weight" or "learn how to free Tibetans with a can opener," but frankly, I'm never going to be a GQ model and I don't much care to waste a perfectly good can opener on wide-eyed experiments. If you made me come up with a list of things that I'd like to accomplish this year, it would be something like 2000 miles on the road bike, 40 mountain bike rides, learning some more useful programming skills (default career enhancement requirement), to drink better beer (not terribly hard), to write a little more consistently, to do 50 pushups at once, mount a pair of C-cup breasts on my bedroom wall, and so on. A responsible human being would also resolve to have a happy and healthy baby this spring but that's a hope, not a resolution. It's not like I can alter that future.

So the biking and beer drinking added with the current addiction and a baby on the way will probably equate to a year of beer drinking and video game playing, with less sleep than I want. That's ok. If the games are as good as TLJ and the beer is as good as the Indian Brown Ale I had last night, I'm going to be a happy (and possibly fat but BFD) camper in 2006. Here's hoping that your goals for 2006 might be as easily attainable as mine appear to be.


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