I Am Still the Advertising Demographic
I turned 34 this week, which means I now sit precipitously on the edge of the core advertising demographic. The realm of aged 18-34 males is still mine - I still belong. Because of this, I have decided that for the next year, I'm going to whore myself to any and all advertising regardless of the content. While I may not buy anything, I still need to know that advertisers love me, or more precisely, love my wallet.
What is it about age 35 that cuts us off? Being realistic, I know I'm not their target audience and haven't been for a few years. I hate advertising, going out of my way to not buy things because of the ridiculous ads I see. I once got an offer for the New York Times at 85% off the newsstand price (or whatever) for the next 6 weeks just days after I told my wife I wanted to start getting the Times. Instead of taking the offer, I subscribed independent of it because I didn't want them to think the advertising worked.
When I see a commercial that's mildly interesting, I note the URL they give for the product. You have to be brain dead to not know they're trying to direct you through their bean counting portal when the website URL is something like www.product.com/nbcGatewayUrlSoWeCanGetAMetricOnThisAdvertisingDollar. Naturally, I would never use the gateway. I would always go straight to product.com, if I were so inclined to learn more about it. This, of course, is why we fall off the advertising bandwagon at age 35. We become sick of it, cynical to all the dogshit we've had to watch for so long.
On the subway there's a cognac ad for Remy Martin which says, "It's so nice of you to stand." I will never in my life buy that garbage. Aside from the fact I think it tastes like whale piss, the advertising annoys me. This, and the fact they repeat the ads every 4 feet shows me they know absolutely nothing about riding the subway. I'm sure some Cranium from Harvard stepped on a subway for 18 minutes and determined that the vast majority of the people don't look more than 2 feet to their left or right. So the brain surgeons repeat the same ad 4 feet to the left, and 4 feet to the right. Brilliant.
The single best thing about advertising is that it attracts graffiti in the subways. Otherwise, it would be an overwhelmingly drab blast to the senses when I'm in absolutely no mood to be oversensitized. Who the fuck wants cognac at 7:59 in the morning? What's wrong with these people?
So I enter the final year of the advertising whore house. Maybe the telemarketing calls will finally stop and I'll cease to even notice the ads on the subways, instead noting that the walls have suddenly become astoundingly clean. I tend to doubt this, but I can only hope. In the meantime, I'm going to use the next 364 days to compile an even more comprehensive list of products to never buy again in the future.
After that, I'll probably beg for the attention they once gave me.
What is it about age 35 that cuts us off? Being realistic, I know I'm not their target audience and haven't been for a few years. I hate advertising, going out of my way to not buy things because of the ridiculous ads I see. I once got an offer for the New York Times at 85% off the newsstand price (or whatever) for the next 6 weeks just days after I told my wife I wanted to start getting the Times. Instead of taking the offer, I subscribed independent of it because I didn't want them to think the advertising worked.
When I see a commercial that's mildly interesting, I note the URL they give for the product. You have to be brain dead to not know they're trying to direct you through their bean counting portal when the website URL is something like www.product.com/nbcGatewayUrlSoWeCanGetAMetricOnThisAdvertisingDollar. Naturally, I would never use the gateway. I would always go straight to product.com, if I were so inclined to learn more about it. This, of course, is why we fall off the advertising bandwagon at age 35. We become sick of it, cynical to all the dogshit we've had to watch for so long.
On the subway there's a cognac ad for Remy Martin which says, "It's so nice of you to stand." I will never in my life buy that garbage. Aside from the fact I think it tastes like whale piss, the advertising annoys me. This, and the fact they repeat the ads every 4 feet shows me they know absolutely nothing about riding the subway. I'm sure some Cranium from Harvard stepped on a subway for 18 minutes and determined that the vast majority of the people don't look more than 2 feet to their left or right. So the brain surgeons repeat the same ad 4 feet to the left, and 4 feet to the right. Brilliant.
The single best thing about advertising is that it attracts graffiti in the subways. Otherwise, it would be an overwhelmingly drab blast to the senses when I'm in absolutely no mood to be oversensitized. Who the fuck wants cognac at 7:59 in the morning? What's wrong with these people?
So I enter the final year of the advertising whore house. Maybe the telemarketing calls will finally stop and I'll cease to even notice the ads on the subways, instead noting that the walls have suddenly become astoundingly clean. I tend to doubt this, but I can only hope. In the meantime, I'm going to use the next 364 days to compile an even more comprehensive list of products to never buy again in the future.
After that, I'll probably beg for the attention they once gave me.
1 Comments:
At 12:55 PM,
The Grunt said…
Hitting the top end of the advertising demo is yet another milestone to dread, besides having 20 year olds think that you're ancient. I don't know what I'd do without the attention from all the advertising and media. I guess I'll have to sit in the corner and watch C-Span when that time comes.
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